Ch-ch-ch-changes

Four weeks ago, Violet stopped nursing.  All of a sudden, she just refused to even try.  I wasn't too worried about it, because she has done this once before.  When she was 4 months old, she refused to nurse for an entire day, but finally started eating again once we got into the doctor's office to check her out.  So, for the first day of what I thought was something called a "nursing strike," I just fed her solid foods as usual and gave her water in a sippy cup.  When it continued past 2 days, I started to worry a little, and I began giving her my pumped milk in her sippy cup because I felt like she wasn't getting enough fluids or calories.  At that point she wasn't eating enough solid food to sustain herself. 

After a week of absolutely no breastfeeding, I started to doubt that Violet would ever want to breastfeed again.  She was still showing no interest in wanting to even try to nurse.  At that point, I went through a grieving period.  It was a little heartbreaking during the middle of the night when instead of searching for my chest, she patted down my arm to my hands to see if they contained a bottle (and heaven forbid I picked her up without a bottle in my hands, or a screaming, writhing, toddler-esque fit would ensue!).  I had planned on breastfeeding Violet as long as she wanted to, so her quitting so unusually early was hard for me to accept.  And I guess I can announce this now (even though I wasn't planning on doing so):  Unless God provides us with a miracle, there will be no more Tatum tots for us. So, the unexpected realization that I would never again breastfeed a baby was a little devastating.  In fact, I am getting a little teary just thinking about it. 

After almost a month without breastfeeding, Violet still has absolutely no interest.  Our baby that refused bottles until this point is now enthusiastically lunging to bottles now.  I am beginning to accept that this is probably not a nursing strike; it is most likely a complete (too early!) weaning.  I have no idea why, but I just have to accept this as part of Violet's admirably strong personality.  Although it makes me a little sad still, I do have to admit that it has it's benefits.  I am no longer restricted in how long I can be apart from her.  Jason can easily grab some breastmilk from the fridge if I am away.  Also, on our recent trip to TN, Ellie was able to feed Violet bottles while they were both still strapped in their carseats.  That was really convenient!  And the best change of all is that Violet is sleeping beautifully at night.  She often sleeps straight through until morning, but I keep a bottle of water near our bed in case she wakes up.  She'll take a drink of water and go right back to bed.  Yes, it is a big hassle to pump 4 times a day and wash everything involved in pumping, but I can handle that for a few months.  Thankfully a great friend lent me an electric pump, or I wouldn't have lasted longer than a week. 

So for now I have come to terms with our baby growing up so quickly.  It is definitely bittersweet.  Who knows how long I will continue to pump milk for her bottles, but it will be at least until she is one.  And maybe she will continue to surprise us and actually want to nurse again.  But I won't hold my breath :)